Well friends this post has been a long, long time coming. I mean like 5 years long. I’ve poured my heart out on instagram, literally, it felt like some days, about the process of building a family for adoption. I posted pretty photos and washy, watercolor artwork but my goodness, adoption is not for the faint of heart. Not even in the slightest. But all that said, God is so good and for all the dark days in my past, filled with questions and why’s and how’s and when’s more times than I can count, I now know, none of the struggle was in vain…because Sir Isaac is here. Oh he is here!
For years I worried, could I be selfless enough to be a Mama? Did I want to sacrifice all the things I held so dear…Did I want my life to be turned upside down for someone else? I’m being really honest here, just spilling the real and raw thoughts that crept into my thinking more often than I’d like to admit. But finally about exactly a year ago I pushed away all of that noise in my head, leaving room for just one voice. The voice of my savior, compelling me to act on all He had been promising me for a very long time.
So here we are a year later and I’ve traveled a very long road in a very short time. My road was filled with grief and ugly emotion for a long time but in a blink it led me here. I’m here in a place where my heart has been burst open and I can barely recognize myself, but in the best ways you can imagine, but not in the ways everyone tells you just before becoming a mom. I can’t remember the person I was before Izzy, nor do I want to. He has made me more confident in myself, he has taught me lessons in grace and kindness. I’m painting more now than I ever did before. My family has huddled around this child and as a result we are stronger than ever.
He was meant to be mine, and God knew it. He is why nothing ever worked before. Hallelujah!
- Lida Matthews Photography